Hi! My bf and I have been together for about 2 years and everything is great, but for some reason I can't seem to come out of my shell in bed. Im always too shy to tell him what I want, ask him what he wants, or initiate anything! I have terrible anxiety and I always seem to be consumed by it during sex. Our sex life is really good but I know it could be so much more if I were able to give him more to work with :/

The good thing here is that you’ve recognized what the problem is so you’re that much closer to dealing with it and moving past what’s holding you back. I understand totally having anxiety and being nervous, but the fact is that it’s holding you both back and it’s holding back your sex life from what it could be. If you continue to let it consume your life and hold you back, it will eventually take hold so deeply that you’ll feel like you can never open up and never be honest.

So you need to start challenging yourself and being able to see what the anxiety is taking hold and keeping you silent, and do the exact opposite. Tell him what you want to say and don’t be afraid, he’s your partner and he’s there to listen and help make things better. Even if it means texting it to him at first or writing it onto a piece of paper, that’s a step in the right direction. The main thing you need to learn is that you have no reason to not be open and honest with him, telling him the things you want or helping guide him in certain ways will benefit you both and will benefit your relationship in general. A couple that is able to be open, raw and real with each other is a couple that’s strong and stays together longer because they know they don’t have to hold back or be anything other than themselves.

So next time you want to say something, try something out or anything, just take a deep breath, tell yourself there’s nothing to fear and go for it! You’ll feel so much better once you’re able to just let it out and not let the anxiety rule your actions and words. You’ve got this! You’re a strong, confident woman!
-April